this is not a post about…

being childless! 🙂 It’s about a strange experience I had the other night. Was scrolling, aimlessly, through my Facebook stream, not seeing much else than all those videos they post nowadays [often entitled “but wait until you see THIS”]. One article from NYTimes drew my attention a little, though. Somehow, they always manage to post only stuff that I might be interested in … does NYTimes know me?! Heh! Anyway, the title of the piece was «Childless by choice», and that goes for me too. I’m facing sixty this year and I’m not going to become a biological miracle. Anyway, I started to read and the farther I got in the story, the eerier it got. It was as if she’d written up the story of my life! The only difference between her and me was that she had a sister and her father was alive, during her youth. In the end, I noticed she’s my age too, and for now, our lives were at the same stage. Oh well, it was kind of nice to see I’m not alone.


12 Replies to “this is not a post about…”

  1. Wow, can understand how strange that must have felt! And cool at the same time!

    And no my friend, you are certainly not alone! Even though most people want children at some point in their life, there are many that also don’t.

    What I do not like is the pressure some put on others… Like when a couple just got married and people ask right away, so when will the kids come??

    Wish people would just mind their own business and do not “worry” so much about others lives!

    1. I’ve had a few, really weird remarks, over the years, when I’ve told them it was my own choice. Very few, though … really just two, that stick out in my memory. Now when I think about those two, it strikes me that both of those women had been childless for years, trying really hard. One had adopted, the other one got a child through IVF.

      That’s so stupid when they ask couples things like that … could put even more strain on them!

      1. Hmmmm, yeah maybe those two women had a special “feeling” then for that subject being as themselves had so hard to get a child…

        I totally agree, so stupid when they ask couples questions like that!

  2. I respect anyone who know what they do (or do not want). One does not have to have children to complete oneself!!
    I lost 3 babies & it was not by choice. Then getting Cancer…it finished off any hope of children. I somehow just accepted I could not carry children to term.
    It is difficult now to see others our age with grown children taking my friends out & the grandkiddies running about…..sometimes I jsut close the drapes 😉

    1. Yes, I hear you … that must be awful to feel that way. I’ve often thought about how thankful I am that I’ve never regretted my decision. That would be horrible! That is the one thing I’ve never regretted.

      1. Altho I was only 17 when first pregnant I wanted to have my baby. Stepfather punched me in stomach & killed my son. Had to go to Hospital. I woke up during surgery & sat up & SAW my dead child on table…I lost my mind. That is why I chose the road I took 😉
        A year later I got pregnant again but miscarried at around 6-8 weeks. That was awful…no one to help me when it happened in my room (I was in wonam’s boarding house).
        A year later I got pregnant a 3rd time & carried for 4 months only to lose the baby…ended up in Hospital having surgery & had tubes burnt. Unfortunately that surgery was botched. It led to the Cancer I got @ 28 & by 29 I had to have partial hysterectomy…
        All of this scarred me for Life. I have never been the same. Even after ALL these years & changing my lifestyle I still miss what/who I never had. I even head named the 1st & 3rd children & always liked to think 2nd child was ‘my’ girl….so she had a name too.
        And the world wondered why I was SO messed up?? 😉

        1. Oh my goodness! What a sad, sad story! What a life! I admire you, for being what you are now. Hugs!

          1. It is a true story Rebby & it shaped me in many ways. I married the 3rd hubby because he had 2 sons & 1 daughter…I had a ready made family. Lasted 3 1/2 yrs with him but he beat me up so much the boys told me to leave b4 ‘Daddy killed me’. They were 9 & 7 1/2 yrs old.
            We are connected on FB so i see they grew up to be fine young men (despite their Father’s influence).
            I believe I aged alot because of all the stress from my young adult days & the Cancer.
            I am just glad to be alive!!!! ;0

            1. What a damned shame he was such a jerk. These stories just make me even more aware of how incredibly fortunate I’ve been in my life. For a while I, too, had a ready made family [boy 13 girl 9]. It didn’t last very long, but that wasn’t because of the kids. I have the girl on FB, she’s a fine young woman … photographer, lives in Brooklyn, NY. The boy became some kind of computer nerd with the Sw. gvt. All this, in spite of their father.

              1. I agree Rebby. J could be a suave guy when HE wanted to be & then when he drank he was a real jerk & so violent….a real Jekkyl & Hyde type! Luckily his sons grew up to NOT be like that!!
                So you have ‘steps’ too? I am glad you know how they are & are connected! I like to think we had some part in their successes…. 😉

                1. It was such a short time … not even a year. We were more like friends than anything else. They liked me, I think they liked having some kind of structure in their lives.

                  1. 😉 I can relate Rebby. I gave the children sturcture & gentle discipline & love & we went out on picnics & hiking….I tired to give them some sort of ‘normalacy’ in their little lives….

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