racing thoughts

This is a picture of how our ‘fog day’ yesterday turned out!

I’ve read a lot of blog posts today. Blogs about setting goals, about expectations and many other things. Both links here are highly recommended!

Some were really thought provoking, they made me review my life and the choices I’ve made … all in different ways. The blog about goals, is really a whole series of posts and it has made me realize I never set any goals for myself. Choices — yes, many! Goals — no?! Now I feel terrible! I even asked my husband if he had had goals and he had. Maybe life had turned out totally different if I’d set some goals for myself, but I prefer not to speculate in what might have been. Life just unfolded, but the thing is: I’m really happy with the way it turned out. Of course I have regrets … I’d be lying otherwise, but they aren’t major and they certainly don’t keep me awake at night.

Don’t get me wrong, my life hasn’t been a smooth ride and in hindsight I wonder how I managed to cope at all — that I didn’t at one single moment even consider suicide. Things often seem to appear worse in hindsight, compared to when you’re in the midst of them. Many people have told me that I’m so strong to have managed this or that. That always baffles me as I don’t see myself as a very strong person. Well, maybe … mentally — I’ve managed to stay sane. I’m not implying that I’ve had it any worse than anybody else, as we all have our burdens to bear. Everything is relative and I won’t go into any details here on this blog. Anyway, I’ve sailed through these fifty six years without goals, but still I don’t feel that it was aimlessly.

Expectations, I’ve had a few but I can’t say that’s because other people have talked me into them. You know how people can say things like «just wait until you’re my age … then you’ll know how it feels!» My Mum was really good at saying things like that, but I don’t think I paid any real attention to it because it didn’t sound very appealing. I remember my expectations, while waiting for my first, own apartment! I could hardly wait, and once there, the feeling even outweighed my expectations. It was all MINE, and I could decorate it whatever way I saw fit.

I’ve had expectations in people, but those were the times I got disappointed. Broken trust isn’t easily fixed. Finally I came across one of all those motivational quotes … it said something like ‘the only person you can change is yourself’, and that rang so true to me. Today I was disappointed because I wanted to buy a domain name [colderweather.com] — I knew it was about to be released any day now, and found that somebody else beat me to it. Too bad, but I brushed that off easily.

Other, minor disappointments have been when my own mind has fooled me. Quite often, I tend to make myself an inner vision of a place, because of a song. Very Lynn sang about ‘a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square’. I went to Berkeley Square [London, UK]  in 1983, with my, dream-like image of the place and was almost devastated. Galveston, TX, I’ve never been to but I’ve seen pictures … didn’t live up either LOL.

…and just to explain about Galveston — here goes:

If you take time out to click the link about expectations, I promise you’ll get a good laugh when you read a couple of the comments — I’ll never think of «Freshly Pressed» the same way again! 🙂

12 Replies to “racing thoughts”

  1. Thank you for the nice compliment and the link back to my site. I bet you have had plenty of goals, but you just didn’t think about them that way. Be kind to yourself–you deserve it! Good luck finding a domain name you love. If you missed this one, I think it probably means it wasn’t right. You’ll know when you think of one you REALLY want. 🙂

    1. Thank you, Karina 🙂
      When I started this blog, the title of it was ‘Colder Weather’. I’ve been wanting this domain but it was occupied by a ‘name squatter’. Now I missed it again. It doesn’t matter. I was meaning to use it for this blog here.

  2. well didn’t your fog day turn out lovely. Kinda like our thoughts somethimes that can buried under other thoughts or other people’s thoughts. Then a smile, some sunshine, and everything clears up.
    When i stood in Trafalgar Square in London i was stunned at how small an area it is. having only seen it in films and pictures I expected it to be a huge expanse! Things are not always how we think, that’s for sure.

    1. no, they aren’t that’s for sure … I had a very dreamy image of Alberta too …«heard it’s good there in the Fall» 🙂

  3. Hi,
    What a lovely picture, and a very beautiful day after all that fog.
    I always have a goal, and when reached, there is always another goal waiting.

    I’m sorry you missed out on the original name of your blog, how disappointing that must of been especially as you were waiting for the name to be released.
    Very nice choices in videos, I really enjoyed listening to Glen Campbell. 🙂

    1. It sounds so nice — I think I would like to have it that way too, but I can’t come up with any goal LOL.
      Yes, I’m sorry too — I really liked colderweather. I was going to set it up here with WordPress.com. I’ll try to think of something else, but that will take time. Another song, perhaps 🙂

  4. I can only say that from my own experience I notice how plans and goals that seemed so clear and measured in prospect, often seem as though having been made in a fuzzy cloud when viewed in hindsight. And how some of the off-the-wall, crazy decisions turn out to ring and ring as good goals long after they are accomplished.

    1. Well, that’s exactly how it feels. Surely I had some goals, just didn’t think of them that way. Now it all seems fuzzy?! I know at least one thing I decided to do on a whim, that turned out really good 🙂

  5. The Expectation blog was fun to read. Your photo has this double image with the reflection in the water. Fog tends to bring on beautiful skies…did the fog do this or would it have thus even without the fog to cleanse the air?

    1. Yes, Linda … that girl writes marvellously!

      It often looks like that, the fog had nothing to do with it..

  6. I never had real goals either. In retrospect, I wish I had. But you cannot go back. I guess now I have little goals, rarely anything huge. Expectations, that is another story. I always had expectations. Of everything, especially people. And I was always disappointed. Even small expectations were rarely met. Very depressing. Now for the last few years I had tried to have NO expectations from life or people. I am a lot happier. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised, but rarely unset.

    In reviewing my life, I must be a strong woman. No idea how I survived parts of my life. I do not feel strong ever. My depression has been bad enough at times, I should have at least considered suicide, but I never have. Maybe I have a bit of Viking blood in me!!!

    1. No, there’s no going back, Julie … we just have to live with the fact that we didn’t have any. It sounds so neat and nice though. The part about expectations and people I think I became aware of at a very early stage, so instead of getting disappointed, it’s merely like a confirmation.
      Since I wrote this post, I’ve thought about it and I guess I am a strong person, in a way. Suicide was never an option, even though we all know that that way out do exist.

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